Hallucinogenic Berries
by hurkydoesntknow
Summary: What happens when the Doctor eats a berry that causes him to hallucinate? Hilarity ensues.
1. The Berries

**Hi everyone! Got this idea just by eating grapes and being sick. It made me wonder, what would happen if the Doctor ate some kind of fruit that made him go all nutsy and hallucinate? Let's find out!**

**Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own Doctor Who, which belongs to the BBC, Steven Moffat, Matt Smith, etc. If Hurky owned Doctor Who, he'd be off saving the Twinkies (an American snack). Hurky does own the fruit she made up on the spot in this fic.**

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Rory sat at the kitchen table inside the TARDIS, waiting for his wife Amy to finish baking a pie. It was her first time trying to cook a fruit pie, since savory pies were more common in Britain. Recently, however, the Doctor told the Ponds stories of when he had gone to a county fair in the United States. It was his first time trying a fruit pie and he somehow ended up in a pie eating contest. Long story short, he won. Amy figured it was going to be easy. Just replace the filling from a savory filling to a sweet filling. Easy as-oh wait...

"Amy, when's the pie gonna be done?" Rory asked, with his stomach grumbling.

"It just has to finish cooling," Amy answered, fanning off the hot pie on top of the kitchen counter. "It'll be about another fifteen to twenty minutes."

Rory groaned. "But I'm hungry now! I didn't eat lunch."

Amy walked over to the retro style refrigerator and opened it, looking for the milk. She immediately found it in a glass jar with the picture of a cow on it. That was when she noticed there was a large chunk of the pie missing.

"Rory!" she bellowed in her Scottish accent. "Did you eat some of the pie?"

Rory shook his head. "No, I was watching you get the milk," he replied.

"That would be me," said a male voice.

The Ponds looked up to find the Doctor finishing off the last bite of pie, which was purplish-pink goo mixed in with pie crust.

"Doctor!" Amy whined, putting her hands on her hips. "I was saving that for later!"

"Couldn't resist!" The Doctor said with a sheepish smile. "There was a wonderful smell coming into the console room where I was working on the TARDIS and it led me to here."

"Surprised you didn't burn yourself," added Rory. "Amy just took that out about five minutes ago."

"Oh, it wasn't too hot," The Doctor said, waving his hand dismissively. "I'm a Time Lord, remember? My body is different from yours. My tongue can adapt to high temperatures in food very quickly. How do you think I drink hot tea right after it's freshly steeped?"

"Well, since you couldn't help yourself," said Amy. "How was the pie?"

"Very delicious, Amy!" The Doctor answered happily. "It was sweet, tart, kind of like cherries or cranberries. What kind of pie is it, by the way? Is it cherry?"

Amy shook her head. "I used these little berries I found in a bowl on the counter," she picked up an empty bowl which had two berries left in it.

The Doctor studied the berries. They were like mini-snowmen, with two rounds on top of one another, only the top smaller round was pink and the bottom, larger round was purple. The Doctor's two hearts jumped in his chest in fright.

"Oh no," he said, taking a step back.

"Oh no what?" asked Amy cluelessly.

"Do you know what kind of berries these are?" The Doctor cried in frustration. "These are Sugarspike berries!"

"Sugarspike?" Amy asked in a curious tone, picking up one of the berries and squeezing it between her index finger and thumb.

"Yes, these berries are very, very sweet. That's the sugar part of its name," explained the Doctor. "The spike part, however, is the bad part. It causes hallucinations, delirium, you name it."

"Loss of memory?" asked Rory.

"I don't think so," added the Doctor, pacing up and down the kitchen. "Ooh, does anyone else see pink elephants in the room?"

Rory and Amy exchanged glances. He was beginning to lose it already!

"Could have sworn," the Doctor said thoughtlessly, before snapping back to reality. "Oh no, I blanked out, didn't I?"

The Ponds nodded.

"Is there an antidote?" asked Rory.

"There is!" exclaimed the Doctor. "That's the beauty of medical science and natural medicine! They can find a remedy for just about anything! Come along, Ponds!"

The Doctor began to sprint quickly out of the kitchen. Rory got up from the table while Amy took off her TARDIS blue apron, set it down on the table, and followed the Doctor into the control room, where he began typing things in, pulling levers, and of course, dancing around.

"Doctor, have you ever thought of Google?" asked Amy, standing around with her arms crossed as she watched the Doctor do his research.

"That is a possibility," answered the Doctor. "But as many results Google can have, it won't have results that the TARDIS has access to." He looked up at Amy with a smile, but his smile suddenly changed and his look changed to a quizzical one. "Amy, has anyone ever told you that you have a moustache?"

Amy's jaw dropped open. "I beg your pardon?" she demanded. "I do not!"

Rory snickered. He did notice that Amy had a bit of hair on her upper lip, which he did not have the courage to tell Amy about, otherwise he would face getting yelled at, then given a silent treatment, and finally his belongings thrown out of the house until Amy calmed down enough to let Rory back in.

Amy shot Rory a dirty look, but not before covering her upper lip with her hand.

"Ah, here we go!" the Doctor exclaimed happily. "It says we should all do the Hokey Pokey!"

"WHAT?!" cried the Ponds.

"Lemme see that screen!" Amy demanded, shoving the Doctor aside. What she read she couldn't believe. "There is NO antidote?"

Rory stepped over to the screen and read the rest of the results. "Says here he will be under his hallucinations for up to 24 to 48 hours," he read. "The best thing we can do is try to get the Doctor to bed and let him rest."

The Doctor wasn't listening. He was too busy hopping on one foot. The Ponds exchanged even more glances with each other. They both knew just how much the Doctor hated to rest. He rarely slept, though being a Time Lord, he didn't require much sleep. If the Doctor absolutely needed rest, he would sleep for one to two hours at the most.

"Well," summarized Rory. "Looks like you just need a bit of sleep, Doctor."

"Sleep?" The Doctor yelled. "I will do no such thing!"

Amy drew in a deep breath. She knew this wasn't going to be easy. "Um, Doctor," she said calmly. "What if I told you there were fish fingers and custard in the bed?"

The Doctor's green eyes lit up. "Did you say burrito?" he asked happily.

"No!" cried Amy, frustrated. "What are you, hard of hearing?"

"Amy, it's part of his hallucinations," Rory said. "The Doctor thought the screen said for him to do the Hokey Pokey, now he thinks you're suggesting there are burritos in his bed."

"I don't think the Doctor's ever had a burrito in his life," Amy said.

"With the Doctor, you never know," Rory added. "He could have enjoyed food cooked by Julia Child."

"Hey, where'd the Doctor go?" asked Amy.

To the Ponds' shock and horror, the Doctor was no longer in the room...


	2. Here We Go!

**Hey guys! Sorry for not updating! Busy with work and the holidays and all. I've finally found some time to write tonight and while this is short, I hope this will hold you guys over til the next update! Cheers!**

**Reminder: Hurky doesn't own Doctor Who. **

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"This could get very bad," said Amy. "We've got a hallucinating Time Lord running around the TARDIS!"

"Calm down, Amy," reassured Rory. "I don't think he could have gotten very far. It's only been about three minutes since we last saw him. How hard could it be?"

Their question was immediately answered when the Ponds stepped outside the control room and walked into the extensive hallway only to find it completely empty. Rory and Amy groaned. Suddenly, someone tackled Rory to the ground.

"I've got you now, mousey!" cried the Doctor, pinning Rory down to the floor.

"Doctor, it's me, Rory!" Rory yelled. "I'm not a mouse!"

"No you're not, you're a mouse!" The Doctor yelled while holding Rory down.

"Doctor, get off him!" cried Amy.

"Never!" The Doctor said, sitting on Rory with Rory still lying on the floor. The Doctor licked the back of his hand and slicked his floppy brown bangs with it, as if he were to wash himself like a cat.

"He thinks he's a cat!" Rory squeaked from underneath all the Doctor's weight. For someone as tall and lanky as the Doctor, he sure was heavy.

"Correction, I _am_ a cat!" corrected the Doctor. "Meow!"

Amy had no choice but to grab a water bottle with a spray nozzle and began to spray the Doctor with it. If he was going to act like a cat, he was going to get treated like a cat. The Doctor hissed and jumped off of Rory, running away and hiding behind the controls. Amy rolled her eyes and stomped over to the Doctor.

"Knock it off, Doctor!" she said, exasperated. "Come on, we're not going to hurt you."

The Doctor peeked silently from the controls and hid his head behind them. Amy stepped closer to the Doctor, holding out her hand so she could help the Doctor stand up. This only resulted in him growling at Amy and scratching her on the arm with his nails, hissing before running away.

"What the-?" Amy cried angrily, grabbing her arm where the Doctor scratched her. She lifted her hand to examine any damage. Luckily, since the Doctor's nails were always cut short and kept clean, there was no blood or anything. Just a basic little scratch like if someone were to scratch an itch but it still left a pink mark.

"Amy!" Rory called, running over to his wife. "What did he do to you?"

"He bloody scratched me!" cried Amy in disbelief, holding out her arm. "I don't seem to be bleeding but now he's gone again!"

"Don't worry," reassured Rory. "We'll find him."

"Hopefully before he starts acting like a dog," Amy muttered as she rolled down the sleeve of her red sweater. "Before we do that, I'm going to go brew us some tea so we can think."

She walked over to the kitchen only to find the Doctor now sitting on the floor and eating pickled cucumbers inside a carton of vanilla ice cream. He saw Amy and smiled.

"Doctor?" asked Amy, raising a brow. "What are you doing?"

"Just a craving," The Doctor said happily, pouring some chocolate syrup into his carton of pickle and vanilla ice cream. He smiled and spooned a big ol' spoonful into his mouth, causing Amy to nearly throw up in her mouth.

"A craving?" Amy asked nervously, clutching her stomach to keep from hurling.

"Pregnancy!" The Doctor exclaimed. "I'm pregnant!"

He stood up and stuck out his non-existent "pregnant" belly while rubbing it, which was still flat. He was way too skinny. Amy crossed her arms.

_Great, now he's hallucinating he's pregnant_! Amy thought in frustration. "Um, Doctor, I hate to tell you this, but you're not pregnant."

The Doctor's smile turned into a frown. "How can you say that?" he cried, tears welling in his eyes. "You're just jealous because YOU can't have a baby!"

Amy's jaw dropped wide open as Rory marched into the kitchen. "Amy, what's taking-Doctor?!" He interrupted when he noticed his wife standing in front of the Doctor, with the both of them teary eyed.

"Stupidface here thinks he's pregnant!" Amy cried.

"I don't think!" denied the Doctor. "I am!"

"You're a male!" Amy shot back. "Unless it's possible for male Gallifreyans to have babies-"

"-Amy!" interrupted Rory. He whispered into Amy's ear. "Follow my lead." He walked over to the Doctor, who was dipping fish fingers into his pickle-chocolate swirl ice cream and eating them and put his arm around the Doctor's shoulder and another around his stomach. "Okay, Doctor, since you're 'pregnant', let's get you into bed so you can get some rest."

The Doctor put his ice cream back into the freezer, closed the freezer door, and nodded sadly with his fringe-y bangs hanging over his eyes. He followed Rory into his own bedroom and lied down on his bed. Rory gently covered the Doctor with a few blankets and calmed him down enough to make him drowsy.

"Amy's so mean," The Doctor said sadly. "Telling me I can't have a baby and a lollipop. Bah!"

Rory ignored the Doctor's comment about Amy and the lollipop. He never recalled Amy mentioning a lollipop but then again, it might have been a part of the hallucinations. "Okay, comfy, Doctor?" Rory asked the Doctor, who was snug in bed, still fully dressed with his boots sticking out at the end of the blankets. The Doctor nodded sleepily. "Good. Now I'm going to administer a shot so you can fall asleep and ride this all out."

Rory turned around for a minute to get the syringe of a tranquilizer ready only for him to turn around and find the Doctor missing again.

"Oh bloody hell..." he said under his breath. "Where has he gone to now?"


End file.
